‘Bill Maher: Live from Oklahoma’: Trump’s ‘Microdick’ Is the Root of All His Problems

HBO

On Saturday night, HBO aired Bill Maher: Live from Oklahoma, the political satirist’s 11th stand-up special for the cable network. Its original title was Triggered, though apparently Maher thought better of naming his comedy routine after an internet-troll word.

Throughout the hour-long special, filmed at the 2,800-capacity Brady Theater in Tulsa, the 62-year-old comic delivered—by his own admission—many of his “greatest hits,” going after “safe spaces” and “trigger warnings” and Islam and fussing over Caitlyn Jenner’s genitals (she had gender-reassignment surgery last year, Bill, you don’t need to keep harping on it).

He assigned nicknames to top Trump administration officials, including former EPA chief Scott Pruitt (“three raccoons under a trench coat”), Attorney General Jeff Sessions (“a Confederate soldier”) and Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos (“mentally challenged”). Vice President Mike Pence, meanwhile, was “beyond Christian”—with Maher mimicking the politician in saying, “Life begins at erection”—though not as bad as Trump because he’s “not trying to become a dictator” and “is within the normal parameters of Republican awful.”

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Bill Maher Goes Off on Trump Over Mueller Indictment: ‘He’s Plainly a Traitor’

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“This is big,” announced Bill Maher at the top of Friday night’s Real Time.

The HBO host was of course referring to the big news of the day: Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s indictment charging 13 Russians—and several companies—with interfering in the 2016 U.S. presidential election.

According to Mueller’s indictment, which heavily relied on findings by The Daily Beast, the baker’s dozen were linked to a Kremlin-backed troll farm, the Internet Research Agency, and “had as its object impairing, obstructing and defeating the lawful governmental functions of the United States by dishonest means in order to enable the Defendants to interfere with U.S. political and electoral processes, including the 2016 U.S. presidential election.”

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Bill Maher Goes Off on Nunes Memo: ‘Republicans These Days Are Treasonous Rats’

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“Forget Groundhog Day. The only large, rat-like creature I’m concerned about is Devin Nunes,” cracked Bill Maher at the top of his Real Time monologue on Friday. “Of course, it’s not fair to single him out. All the Republicans these days are treasonous rats.”

Before the comedian and his #NeverTrump panel embarrassed guest Anthony Scaramucci, Maher delivered a fiery monologue wherein he got so worked up over the House Republicans’ protocol-breaching release of the Nunes memo, done with President Trump’s blessing—who he referred to as “fat Nixon”—that he had to pause for a breather.

“Trump declassified this Nunes memo, which is supposed to make us think that our own top law enforcement people are crooked so Trump can get away with his Russia crimes. Problem is, Republicans talk about this memo as if it’s some smoking-gun piece of evidence they uncovered. No! They wrote it! They uncovered it in their printer! It’s not an intelligence document, it’s a Facebook post that you briefly skim before clicking ‘unfriend,’” joked Maher.

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President Trump Is Having an Affair ‘Right Now,’ Michael Wolff Tells Bill Maher

HBO

The last time we saw Bill Maher on HBO’s Real Time, he was defending his friend Al Franken and condemning his ideological enemy Roy Moore. Three months later, neither man is serving in the U.S. Senate and the government is on the verge of a possible shutdown.

As the Senate began to vote on a continuing resolution to keep the government open, Maher kicked things off by wishing his audience a happy new year, or as he called 2018, “the year of the shithole.” The host summed up Trump’s immigration position with one question: “Why can’t we do immigration more like the way I got Melania, by using a catalogue?”

But the main event of Maher’s first show back came in the form of a sit-down with Michael Wolff, author of Fire and Fury, the book that managed to make Trump’s White House even more chaotic during the first few weeks of the new year.

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3 Things We Wish Bill Maher Would

First of all, a confession: I probably agree with 90% of Bill’s Maher’s political/ideological positions, so the piddling complaints that follow aren’t the result of any fundamental difference in philosophy or political doctrine.

As far as I’m concerned, Bill Maher’s view of the world is very much in synch with my own. In fact, if he and I were to sit down at a neighborhood bar (I with a cheap domestic beer, he with a top-of-the-line reefer) and discuss politics, we could very likely go a whole hour without a single meaningful dispute.

My beef is more “personal” than ideological, more about “style” than “substance.” Alas, it seems that somewhere along the line Mr. Bill Maher has fallen hopelessly in love with himself. This has altered his act, and not in a good way. As a consequence of that high self-regard, he now comes off as some sort of a “latter day prophet” or elder statesman rather than a stand-up comic.

With all due respect, here are 3 things I wish Bill would do:

1. Grab on to a little humility, dude. You’re funny, you’re quick, you’re entertaining, but you’re no comedic or political genius. Mort Sahl, Richard Pryor and George Carlin were geniuses. As talented as you are, you ain’t one of those guys. Also, didn’t Mort Sahl, George Carlin and Richard Pryor write their own material? At the end of your HBO show we see listed the names of 6-8 co-writers. Show a little modesty.

2. Don’t be such an obvious “applause whore.” It is so damned annoying to watch you stop talking–to stop delivering your jokes and come to a complete halt–so long as even one person in the audience is still applauding. It makes you look insecure and weirdly “needy.”

You should do what Jimmy Kimmel does during his monologue. Understandably not wanting to have his next joke drowned out by applause, Kimmel will wait a moment for the applause to die down after a particularly funny remark.

But one thing Kimmel doesn’t do is destroy the pace. He doesn’t stand there waiting for that one appreciative guy in Row 3 to stop clapping before continuing. He keeps it going, which is what you need to do, Bill. Stop milking it.

3. Also, in the same vein, don’t look at the audience with dismay or disapproval when they don’t laugh at a particular gag or when, God forbid, they actually boo or groan at something you say. Again, not only does that make you seem prickly and unnecessarily “desperate,” it disrupts the flow; it alters the mood.

You need to remind yourself that this is a comedy show, not a townhall meeting, political convention or self-improvement seminar. Instead of “challenging” or scolding the audience (and I’ve seen you do this too many times) when they appear to disagree or underappreciate one of your gags, you need to keep your shtick rolling.

Finally, you have to remind yourself that, as perceptive, well informed and sharp as you may be (and you are all of those things), you are not a philosopher. You are not an icon and you’re not a fountain of wisdom. In the final analysis you’re a comic, and a damned good one. Basically, you need to channel Shecky Greene rather than Walter Lippman. Is that too much to ask?

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Bill Maher Calls College Student A ‘Little Sh*t’ For Criticizing Jerry Seinfeld

Political talk show host Bill Maher called a college writer a “little shit” on his HBO show Friday night for questioning comedian Jerry Seinfeld’s claim that college audiences are too politically correct.

After San Diego State University student Anthony Berteaux, a campus editor-at-large with The Huffington Post, penned an open letter to Jerry Seinfeld telling him he was disheartened that the comedian thinks college audiences are too quick to call jokes racist, sexist or prejudiced, Maher told him to back off during a segment on “Real Time.”

“Now, I sure wouldn’t want to be judged by what I wrote at 20, but stupid though I was in 1976, I wouldn’t have presumed to lecture George Carlin on comedy,” Maher said, referring to the late, famed comedian. “Though I sure wish George was around today to write a letter back to this kid, as only he could. But since he can’t, allow me: Dear you little shit, I’m sure you’re busy with your new letter explaining astrophysics to Stephen Hawking and giving jump shot pointers to Steph Curry, but try to get a clue.”

In an interview with ESPN earlier this month, Seinfeld echoed sentiments expressed by comedians Chris Rock and Larry the Cable Guy about young people taking offense too easily.

“I don’t play colleges, but I hear a lot of people tell me, ‘Don’t go near colleges. They’re so PC,’” Seinfeld said. “[Young people] just want to use these words: ‘That’s racist;’ ‘That’s sexist;’ ‘That’s prejudice.’ … They don’t know what the hell they’re talking about.”

In Berteaux’s open letter, he challenged Seinfeld’s argument and cited Amy Schumer as a comedian whose jokes about sensitive subjects like rape successfully highlight injustices.

“It isn’t so much that college students are too politically correct (whatever your definition of that concept is), it’s that comedy in our progressive society today can no longer afford to be crass, or provocative for the sake of being offensive,” he wrote. “Sexist humor and racist humor can no longer exist in comedy because these concepts are based on archaic ideals that have perpetrated injustice against minorities in the past.”

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Killer Mike Calls Bill O’Reilly ‘Full Of S***’ On ‘Real Time With Bill Maher’

Killer Mike appeared on “Real Time with Bill Maher” Friday night and was very candid about his opinion of Bill O’Reilly.

“I like Bill O’Reilly as a character,” the Run the Jewels rapper said, prompting the host to laugh. “I hate how white people take him so seriously,” Mike continued. “He’s more full of shit than an outhouse.”

The rapper stuck by his belief that O’Reilly puts up a “fictitious” facade. But Maher disagreed slightly, saying that the political commentator’s temperament was no act. O’Reilly “may be full of shit,” Maher said, “but it’s sincere shit.”

The two then discussed O’Reilly’s claim that rap music is responsible for the decline of religion in America. Mike’s response was pure laughter.

In Friday’s episode Maher also brought up America’s obsession with British accents and discussed the criticism of first lady Michelle Obama’s speech at Tuskegee University with panelists Killer Mike, John Waters, Heather McGhee and Charles Murray.

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Bill Maher Calls Out Rand Paul For Pandering To Republican Base

Bill Maher wants to know what happened to Rand Paul.

On “Real Time With Bill Maher” Friday night, the host took Sen. Paul (R-Ky.) to task, claiming the presidential candidate has recently changed many of his libertarian beliefs.

“New rule: You can’t have any more Republican candidates for president until you tell me what you did with Rand Paul,” Maher said, “who was last seen standing in front of an aircraft carrier setting fire to everything he used to believe.”

By way of example, he said, “If you want to say, ‘I’m a new kind of Republican,’ don’t do what all the rest of them do and stand in front of the Yorktown … and then suggest adding $ 190 billion to the defense budget — the one you used to want to cut.”

Elsewhere in the episode, he discussed Mike Huckabee, Carly Fiorina and Deflategate.

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Bill Maher Says 4/20 Should Be A National Holiday On ‘Real Time’

Bill Maher wants stoner holiday 4/20 to be officially recognized.

On HBO’s “Real Time With Bill Maher” Friday night, the host announced that he’d created a Change.org petition calling on Congress to make April 20 a national weed-related holiday. He then showed his panelists how he likes to celebrate the day with a reading of “‘Twas the Night Before 4/20,” a riff on the famous poem “A Visit from St. Nicholas.”

“Twas the night before 4/20 and all through the crib,” read Maher, “not a creature was stirring, not even — did you hear something? Is the door locked?”

“I was wearing a T-shirt and shorts from the gym,” he continued. “I had just settled down to watch Adult Swim.”

To see Maher’s actual petition, head over to Change.org.

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Bill Maher Slams Liberals For Slamming Liberals

“Don’t throw the synthetic baby out with the bathwater,” said Bill Maher on Friday.

During his “New Rules” segment on “Real Time with Bill Maher,” the talk show host took some time to call out liberals for attacking other liberals. Maher ran through a number of topics, including Elton John’s boycott of Dolce and Gabbana over comments on gay adoption and in vitro fertilization, backlash The Economist got over a cover and a college president who was forced to apologize for sending out an email that said “all lives matter” instead of “Black lives matter.”

“What is the point of attacking people who are 95 percent on your side?” said Maher, later adding, “I see atheists and agnostics bitching at each other. Why is this even a thing? Do you believe in a talking snake? Me neither. We’re on the same team.”

“Real Time with Bill Maher” airs Fridays at 10:00 p.m. ET on HBO.
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Bill Maher Calls For Ban On Fraternities In ‘New Rules’

Bill Maher is calling for the end of fraternities.

The host closed out his “New Rules” segment on “Real Time with Bill Maher” Friday night with a plea to the president.

“New rule,” Maher said. “Before he leaves office, President Obama must send in the National Guard to desegregate American’s last bastion of societal-approved racism: college fraternities.”

Maher went on to compare fraternities to the Islamic State group because of the hazing techniques used by some in the Greek system.

“Since 1970, there’s been at least one hazing-related death every year as pledges routinely endure alcohol poisoning, sleep deprivation, waterboarding, being dressed in diapers, buried in trash, force-fed cat food,” he said. “Jesus, why not just pledge ISIS?”

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Bill Maher Makes Yet Another Joke About Bill Cosby

Bill Maher made yet another joke referencing the recent sexual assault allegations against Bill Cosby.

On Friday night’s episode of “Real Time with Bill Maher,” the host mentioned Cosby during a segment about Sarah Palin. While discussing the Republican voices who criticized a recent Palin speech, Maher said, “Sean Hannity asked, ‘Did the teleprompter go down?’ The Washington Examiner questioned whether she should be included in future Republican events. And Bill Cosby said, ‘I wouldn’t drug her with your drink.'”

The host has made jokes about the allegations against Cosby on numerous occasions, including during his monologue for the Nov. 14 episode of “Real Time With Bill Maher.” While discussing Obama’s then-new initiatives, he said: “If you’re a Republican, you see Obama as Bill Cosby sexually assaulting the Constitution.”

Maher also joked about the comedian on the Nov. 21 episode of the show. “It was a bad week for Bill Cosby,” Maher said. “On the plus side, he has lots of pills lying around that can make him forget the whole thing.”

“Real Time with Bill Maher” airs Friday at 10:00 p.m. ET on HBO.
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Bill Maher Slams Islam Again In Wake Of Charlie Hebdo Attacks

On the Season 13 premiere of “Real Time with Bill Maher” on Friday night, the host continued to slam Islam following his comments earlier in the week on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.” Maher spoke out against “hundreds of millions” of Muslims on Wednesday night on “Kimmel” for supposedly supporting the Jan. 7 terrorist attack on French satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo, which resulted in the death of 12 people.

Maher revisited the topic on his own show on Friday in a discussion with bestselling author Salman Rushdie, former Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina and CNN commentator Paul Begala. “We tend to forget how often it happens, and we’re Americans so we don’t want to single out people,” Maher said before listing terrorist attacks that have occurred across the globe since 9/11. “What we’ve said all along, and have been called bigots for it, is when there’s this many bad apples, there’s something wrong with the orchard.”

Maher then referenced the heated debate between Ben Affleck, author Sam Harris and himself back in October. During the discussion, Harris said that the religion is a “mother lode of bad ideas.” “But it is,” Maher agreed on Friday night. “And, unfortunately, the terrorists and the mainstream share a lot of these bad ideas.”

Watch the full clip above.
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Watch Bill Maher Tackle Ebola Panic And The ‘Morons In That F–king Hospital In Dallas’

Bill Maher took on ebola panic on his show Friday night. “I’m not panicked, I’m just pissed,” he said, tackling the incompetence in response to the crisis. He and guests David Miliband and David Frum debate the merits of a travel ban before Maher goes off on the “morons in that f–king hospital in Dallas.” “They love their freedom down in Texas,” he said. “They don’t like rules and regulations and ‘tellin’ us what to do’ and revenuers and the federal government. What could go wrong? This.” Watch the clip above.
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Bill Maher Blasts Fear-Mongering Over ISIS: ‘United States Of Pants-Shitters’ Should Be More Afraid Of Monsanto

Bill Maher took on America’s latest march to war during the final minutes of “Real Time” on Friday, arguing that the fear of ISIS has been blown out of proportion. “They’re selling terror and boy are we buying,” he jabbed.

After calling out conservative war hawks like Lindsey Graham, “the Senate’s own Blanche DuBois,” Maher made a provocative point about why the disturbing videos of journalists being beheaded by ISIS don’t justify the fear most Americans are feeling. Saying he admires the courage of the journalists who were killed, he noted, “When you choose to live among cut throats, you might get your throat cut. Do Americans living here really think they’re going to be next?”

Maher then went on to argue that a more direct threat to the lives of Americans is Monsanto, another group with a name that’s “simultaneously cool-sounding and stands for pure evil.”

“Real Time With Bill Maher” airs Fridays at 10:00 p.m. ET on HBO.
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Arianna Discusses ‘Thrive’ On ‘Real Time With Bill Maher’ Overtime Segment (VIDEO)

Arianna appeared Friday night on HBO’s “Real Time with Bill Maher”, and during the online Overtime segment she discussed her new book “Thrive: The Third Metric To Redefining Success And Creating A Life Of Well-Being, Wisdom, And Wonder”.

On the topic of The Third Metric, she explained, “The point is that right now look around and millions of people are completely burnt out, and they think burn-out is the way to success, and they are paying a really high price in terms of their health.”

Arianna went on to recount the accident she had 7 years ago in which she collapsed from exhaustion. The incident started her on a journey of “redefining what success is”.

Watch the clip below (via HBO):


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