Tully’s Terrifying Truth About Motherhood

Diablo Cody’s Tully was praised for its honest, realistic portrayals of the challenges of motherhood—in the trailers alone, new mom Marlo, played by Charlize Theron, joked about her leaking breasts, postpartum body and mommy porn.

But Tully goes beyond just showing everyday realities of motherhood: it delves into the darkest, most terrifying aspects of being a mom in our society and counters media that portrays moms as superhuman as well as media portraying them as ultra-vulnerable. Tully turns those archetypes on their head—and reveals mothers to be simply human.

Marlo is far from blissed-out after the birth of her third child. She experienced postpartum depression after the birth of her second, and she already has a lot on her plate, including caring for one child who has special needs. Concerned about her well-being, her rich brother offers to pay for a night nanny—someone to come each night and care for the infant while Marlo sleeps.

Marlo initially dismisses the idea, remarking that is sounds like something out of “a Lifetime movie where the nanny tries to kill the family and the mom survives and she has to walk with a cane at the end”—presumably a reference to the 1992 thriller The Hand that Rocks the Cradle, along with other films like it. But as the pressures of caring for three children start to weigh on her though, Marlo gives in. She calls the night nanny, and a 20-something woman named Tully, played by Mackenzie Davis, shows up.

Tully cares for the baby, cleans the house and even bakes cupcakes. She quickly becomes Marlo’s friend and confidant. But things get weird when the two get in a terrible car accident after a night of binge-drinking—and we learn that Tully is actually a figment of Marlo’s imagination, based on a younger version of herself. “Tully” was Marlo’s last name before marriage. “Tully” isn’t Marlo’s nanny—she’s a reminder of who Marlo once was, and who she could have been.

Like other thriller and horror films about motherhood like The Hand that Rocks the Cradle, Rosemary’s Baby, or the recent home invasion film Breaking InTully explores our cultural anxieties around motherhood putting women in danger—but Marlo isn’t in danger because of frightening, fantastical scenarios like psychotic nannies or home invasions, or even her baby being the antichrist. She is in grave danger because of the real, everyday conditions of our unaccommodating, unsupportive, patriarchal society.

By locating horror in the everyday experiences of mothering, rather than rare encounters outside of our control, Tully grounded anxiety around motherhood in a reality that we can’t leave behind when we walk out of a movie theater.

The story of a woman reconnecting with her life by channeling a younger version of herself could be empowering—but instead, Marlo’s connection with her past almost kills her. That is a terrifying conclusion: the film, in this way, suggests that it’s not possible for Marlo, or the many women who see themselves in her fictional existence, to strike a real balance in their lives, to juggle their needs and the needs of others without support. Tully’s manifestation as a caregiver is not as merely a hallucination—it’s a metaphor for a mother struggling to meet her own multifaceted needs.

No, Tully insists. There is no space for the kind of joyful postpartum balance that Marlo appeared to have achieved in a world where she’s not sufficiently supported socially or societally. No, Marlo cannot find time to get good sleep, nurse her baby, care for her young children, deal with her son’s special needs at school, bake cupcakes for the class and fulfill her husband’s sexual fantasies.

When Tully’s car plummeted off of a bridge in the film’s gut-wrenching climax, it reminded me of the iconic end scene in Thelma and Louise—a film that, by way of its own similar conclusion, declared that there was little room in the real world for female empowerment and solidarity. No, Tully insists on the bridge. Women can’t have it all—and our socially-sanctioned pursuit of it just could kill us.

But Tully doesn’t end after its titular character careens off of a cliff. Instead, Marlo survives—and her husband, having realized the terrifying extent of what’s been going on, attempts to show her the support she needs.

At the end of Tully, we see Marlo walking around her home with a cane—much like the horror-movie wife she references earlier in the film. In The Hand that Rocks the Cradle, the film’s protagonist, Claire, hires a nanny so she can go back to work who then slowly plots to take over her life and ultimately attempts to kill her. But it isn’t just a career outside of the house that Marlo wants—it’s a sense of herself as a person outside of her role as a mother. Marlo is not endangered by her need to ask for help, nor is she threatened for desiring more than motherhood. Instead, she nearly kills herself by doing her best to deny she needs support.

Tully reminds us that mothers are, in fact, simply human beings—strong, vulnerable, thriving, struggling and everything in between. While the film’s bleak portrayal of motherhood was indeed extreme, its exaggerated darkness was necessary for starting an important conversation on how we as a culture depict, value and think about motherhood.

Marisa Crawford writes about feminism, pop culture and books for venues including Broadly, Bitch, BUST and Hyperallergic. She is also the founder and editor-in-chief of the feminist literary/pop culture website Weird Sister, and is the author of two books of poetry.

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The post Tully’s Terrifying Truth About Motherhood appeared first on Ms. Magazine Blog.

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Cardi B Gets Real About Motherhood – ‘You’ll Never Be Ready For Mommy Mode!’

The rapper is now a mom and is realizing what that really means. But while it’s definitely not easy and nothing can really prepare you for it beforehand, Cardi B wouldn’t have it any other way.

Cardi has been sacrificing her precious sleep ever since welcoming baby daughter Kulture, but that hasn’t dragged her down.

Today, she took to her social media to share a video with her followers in which she addressed her 10 MTV Video Music Awards nominations, something she was obviously really happy and grateful for.

She also went on to open up about motherhood, using a doll to talk to the fans as she apparently did not look a hundred percent at the time and did not want to show her face.

‘Thank you to everybody. I cannot believe that I got nominated for 10 VMA Awards. I’m just been so busy, so tired. Like, I’m in a different world, a different dimension. Now, let me get back to this mommy thing. Let me tell you something. No matter how many books you read or advice I get, y’all will never be ready for mommy mode,’ she said in the clip.

Before that post, she shared a pic that showed only half of her makeup-free face and wrote that she absolutely needed some sleep.

cardiSource: instagram.com

Yesterday, Cardi also posted a pic featuring her and hubby Offset at the doctor with their newborn for a routine checkup and she was not wearing any makeup in that one either.

Ain’t nobody got time for that when they have a bundle of joy to take care of!

As you may remember, Kulture was born on July 10 and the rapper couple is yet to post a pic of her.

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Jordin Sparks Talks Motherhood, Thinks Husband & Baby Are Going To ‘Conspire Against Her’ | PeopleTV

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Telli Swift Gets Her Dream Proposal and Kaylin Jurrjens Considers Motherhood on the Season Finale of WAGS Atlanta

Telli Swift, WAGS AtlantaTonight’s two-hour season finale of WAGS Atlanta ended with a bang and some bling!
Mom-to-be Telli Swift had more on her brain than just a baby. After waiting on boyfriend Deontay…

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Serena Williams is crowdsourcing motherhood advice from Instagram

And we LOVE her for it…

Serena Williams' baby

From the editors of InStyle US
Words by Alexandra Whittaker

Serena Williams welcomed her beautiful daughter Alexis Olympia earlier this year, and she’s been Instagramming up a storm of adorable photos of her. But that doesn’t mean first-time motherhood is a piece of cake for Williams.

The tennis champ took to Instagram on Sunday to talk about one of the things that stresses her out the most about being a mum to Alexis Olympia, and she’s asking for help.

‘Teething—aka the devil—is so hard,’ she wrote. ‘Poor Alexis Olympia has been so uncomfortable. She cried so much (she never cries) I had to hold her until she fell asleep. I’ve tried amber beads… cold towels…. chew on mummies fingers…. homeopathic water (lol on that one) but nothing is working. It’s breaking my heart. I almost need my mum to come and hold me to sleep cause I’m so stressed. Help? Anyone??’

Thankfully, many Instagram users are heeding her call, offering soothing words and advice to Williams in the comments section.

‘Teething is always hard on baby and Mum. The best thing to do is use a teething ring. Put it in freezer and let it get cold, then let her chew on it. Refreeze after it get warm and use baby Tylenol. Be patient, it’s a process, but Alexis will be fine in time. Welcome to motherhood,’ one user wrote.

‘If all else fails try baby orajel to rub on her gums,’ another said. ‘It will get better once this phase is over.’

We wish both Serena and baby Alexis the best of luck with this tough phase.

The post Serena Williams is crowdsourcing motherhood advice from Instagram appeared first on Marie Claire.

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In Case You Missed It: The Beauty of Motherhood

motherhood

Being a mother is not easy. Motherhood requires women to wear multiple hats and live up to the unrealistic expectation of being superwoman. Even when moms make it look easy, it’s not. In addition to raising children, many are working moms, while others stay at home or work for themselves.

In honor of Mother’s Day weekend, here are a few stories about the impact of motherhood along with a few tips on how to celebrate your mom.

College Senior Born on Mother’s Day Now Saves Mothers

 

Student’s work addresses maternal mortality rate in Texas

 

(Image: Courtesy of Dominique Earland)

 

Dominique Earland wasn’t just born on Mother’s Day—in a sense, her birthright became her destiny. She developed a maternal health kit for Dallas-area women. Click here to read more.

 


Mother’s Day Gift Guide: 5 Thoughtful (but Easy) Last-Minute Ideas

 

Mom would love any one of these five great gifts

 

mother's day (Image: iStock.com/kirin_photo)

 

Mother’s Day is this Sunday, but don’t worry if the annual holiday has slipped your mind. If you have yet to get a gift for your mom, we’ve got you covered! Click here to read more.

 


After His Mother’s Murder, He Still Had an Advocate

 

The work of the Office of Civil Rights in the Department of Education is one of advocacy

 

advocate (Image: iStock.com/KatarinaGondova)

 

Read the head of Democrats for Education Reform’s plea to preserve the Office of Civil Rights in the Department of Education, an advocate of the underserved. Click here to read more.


The Best Mother’s Day Gift For Every Mompreneur

 

This Mother’s Day, give your mompreneur a gift that keeps on giving with a ticket to this year’s Entrepreneurs Summit

 

momprenuer (Image: iStock/FatCamera)

 

There’s no better present for an ambitious mompreneur than a ticket to the 2017 Black Enterprise Entrepreneurs Summit! Click here to read more.

 


Moms Mean Business: How To Become A Mompreneur

 

Learn key tips on how to succeed in parenting and business

 

motherhood (Image: iStock.com/ monkeybusinessimages)

 

Are you a mom looking to start your own business? Here are a few tips for full-time mothers who aspire to become a mompreneur. Click here to read more.

 


 

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Behati Prinsloo Describes Motherhood and Raising Baby Dusty as ”Heaven” at 2017 Met Gala

Behati Prinsloo, 2017 Met Gala ArrivalsMotherhood looks incredible on Behati Prinsloo.
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How My Grandma Taught Me About the Beauty of Motherhood

“I envy them.
They’re brave.
Seeds cast by the wind to land where they may, they stay and hold against most hot, most cold.
They persevere, roots shallow yet fierce and free.
They epitomize to me all that I sometimes yearn to be.”

-Julie Andrews, “Wildflowers”

When I was a little girl, I’d collect flowers on my walk to my grandma’s house. I’d gather them in huge bunches, grasping their stems tightly, anticipating the look my grandma would have on her face when I pulled them out with a Surprise! from behind my back.

I remember one time my uncle was there and when he saw what I had in my small hands he teased, “Those are weeds!” I wanted to throw them away, afraid my grandma wouldn’t want them anymore. And when she saw me with my hands behind my back she asked me where her flowers were — it had become such a daily routine, of course she would wonder why I hadn’t brought her flowers. I mumbled apologetically, “But I brought you weeds.” Her eyes sparkled as she told me: “Mija. Wildflowers are just as pretty as any other flower.” And she took them from my hand and placed them gently in a cup of water.

As a child, I learned that when people ask what your favorite flower is, they expect to hear roses or daisies maybe daffodils. I always tell people tulips are my favorite. But the truth is, I love wildflowers. I remember seeing the California Poppies growing wild on the side of the freeways and thinking they were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. Even now, my eyes are drawn to the majestic Indian Blanket I see growing in the fields through out my neighborhood in Texas.

With wildflowers, my grandma taught me to see beauty in all things. To see the beauty that lies in the grittiness of life.

It’s why I’m drawn to running. Looking at it from the outside I can see how people are initially pushed away- – sweaty, tired, aching lungs and legs. I know when I finish a run and my face is bright red, body drenched in sweat — I know that isn’t the traditional definition of beauty. But I feel the beauty in it. The beauty of being pushed beyond my comfort level, doing something I love and yet it is so physically challenging and sometimes emotionally draining, as I waiver on wanting to give up and wanting to finish what I started.

The beauty of running is like wildflowers. Tough. Perseverance. Not as graceful as the gymnast or as dazzling as the soccer player. But my grandma’s words echo in my hear — it’s just as beautiful as any other flower out there.

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And Motherhood is where I feel her presence the most. The way she taught me to appreciate the beauty of wildflowers is the anchor of my place in this world: appreciating the beauty of motherhood. It’s not ever what I expected it to be — this most challenging, heart wrenching, and sweet life of being a mother — a life that I chose. And I wouldn’t give it up for anything this earthly world could offer me.

I see and feel the beauty of motherhood — through the tears and heartache, the sweet tender moments that are so achingly personal you don’t want to share it with the world through social media–because it’s yours to keep, the caress of a soft cheek, wiping away tears on a wailing child, rocking a little one to sleep, the feelings of wishing you could take away their pain — and yet knowing they must experience it to find their own place in the world, grateful your oldest still lets you hold her — a wiry-limbed almost 9-year-old and feeling the bittersweet ache as you remember how her body used to fit completely, wholly, into the nook of your arm all while wondering: How did you get to this place?

Motherhood is like wildflowers: Gritty. Fiercely intense. Beautiful.

Wildflowers — just as beautiful as any other flower out there.

Never Give Up,

Nicole

For my children. I appreciate you.

Through all the things my eyes have seen
The best by far is you

For all the places I have been
I’m no place without you

For all the things my hands have held
The best by far is you
~Andrew Macmahon, Cecilia And The Satellite

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Thank you for my wildflowers: the gift of motherhood.

Nicole Scott writes about family, faith, and her love of running at My Fit Family.

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

GPS for the Soul – The Huffington Post
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30 Strangers Discover They Share The Same Doubts, Pains And Joys Of Motherhood

Being a mom means something different for every woman, and it’s nothing short of inspiring to watch a group of moms share what this identity means to each of them.

Eco-friendly baby product delivery service The Honest Company brought together 30 moms, who had never met before, to have an unscripted conversation about their journey through motherhood. Before long, the moms realized that the challenges and rewards of parenting made them all more similar than they realized at first.

Here are a few powerful snippets from the moms’ chat:

“No matter how many books you read, it does not prepare you for parenthood.”

“My mom would want me to be the best mom, of course, but you’ve got to be your own mom.”

“There is no balance. There is no black and white. We live in this grey.”

“Having a kid has been beyond amazing. And then I have days where I haven’t slept, and I’ve been like, ‘This sucks, what did I do?'”

“I really do struggle because all I ever wanted was these babies … and now that I have them, I love them so much and I didn’t realize how much of myself I would lose.”

“I have another little one to take care of, and I don’t even know who I am, yet.”

“I remember when my daughter laughed for the first time … and that was it. I melted. I was in love. For the rest of my life, if I have that, I’m good.”

The Honest Company has also started a hashtag, #YouGotThis, for moms on social media to weigh in on the conversation.

Want to share your story? Let us hear it in the comments below, or tweet us @HuffPostParents.
GPS for the Soul – The Huffington Post
Special News Bulletin-http://www.acrx.org -As millions of Americans strive to deal with the economic downturn,loss of jobs,foreclosures,high cost of gas,and the rising cost of prescription drug cost. Charles Myrick ,the President of American Consultants Rx, announced the re-release of the American Consultants Rx community service project which consist of millions of free discount prescription cards being donated to thousands of not for profits,hospitals,schools,churches,etc. in an effort to assist the uninsured,under insured,and seniors deal with the high cost of prescription drugs.-American Consultants Rx -Pharmacy Discount Network News

Recessions May Thwart a Woman’s Motherhood Plans Forever: Study

Research found initial impact was most pronounced among women in their 20s, and lasted until they were in their 40s
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5 Lessons from New Motherhood on Living the Good Life

I wouldn’t call my pre-baby outlook on life misguided, but like most 20-, er, 30-something-year-old professionals (especially those here in New York), the concept of work-life balance was far-fetched, to say the least. Perhaps I was looking too far away — like France or back to my grandparents’ generation — for a practical way to apply the concept to my own life. Or maybe there was some truth to the notion that the “good life,” was only attainable by certain groups of folks. Or, maybe, I just hadn’t become a mother yet.

Who knew that the thing everyone says is supposed to turn your world upside down would actually shift it into balance. Granted, you might not be able to tell — well, with my home consistently towing the line between new parenthood and an episode of “Hoarders” — but where my husband and I may lack in magazine-worthy digs, we’re making up for it in lessons learned about truly living the good life.

Here are five that we’ve gleaned so far… in no particular order:

1. Savor Every Sip (…Or Bite…Or Moment, For That Matter)
This isn’t one of those things experienced parents say in rosy-hued retrospect, it’s the lesson I learned on Valentine’s Day 2014, one of our first night’s out with baby, which ended with a change of clothes in a gross public men’s room and a sleepy child with shoes on her hands. As for the cocktail shown here? I drank it…alone…before hurrying past judgmental restaurant patrons and dumping its boozy byproducts down the drain so baby could eat.

2. Make Nice With Mother Nature (Or, Better Yet, Invite Her In)
Winter 2014 sent many of us reeling into hibernation, a place that I previously imagined cozying into with my new baby until Spring arrived. But let’s face it, there are only so many gingerbread lattes you can drink, and two weeks in, I was over it. Plant life isn’t anymore entertaining than a sleepy newborn is, but if I were to go back in time, I’d stop waiting for Mother Nature to have some compassion and bring in some natural elements — like this herb garden — instead.

3. Invest In Good Bedding
Somewhere, someone’s living the good life off the profits of all the baby gear we’re practically buried under. But as most new parents learn, no matter how cool the gadget or how soft the blankie, nothing compares to our lap, in our bed, when it comes to nap time.

4. Make The Most Of The Mundane
My first day alone without baby wasn’t as glamourous as I’d imagined. It involved a trip to the doctor, a wait in line at the post office, and a lonely, mommy-guilt-ridden lunch at Panera Bread. But in the spirit of making the most of my “free time,” I swung by the hair salon for a treatment, where I spotted this little oasis of grown-folk goodness. I’m sure it’ll be a choking hazard and otherwise impractical at some point, but for now, I say yes to any little luxury that will help our apartment-sized playpen feel like a home again.

5. Life Is Better When You Can Unplug
So maybe I did learn something from the French after all, and every time my daughter whines at the sight of my cell phone or laptop, and even more so when she smiles at me, I’m reminded of this fact.

Style – The Huffington Post
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Single Motherhood Doesn’t Seem to Hinder Happiness

Raising a child more likely to brighten these women’s lives, study says
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With Child: Wisdom and Traditions for Pregnancy, Birth, and Motherhood

With Child: Wisdom and Traditions for Pregnancy, Birth, and Motherhood


Bargain Books are non-returnable. Beautifully illustrated with over 150 paintings and drawings, "With Child" celebrates the wonder of pregnancy and motherhood. Drawing on the vast, inherited body of wisdom of mothers around the world, expert Deborah Jackson has translated ancient rituals and myths into practical knowledge that will instruct and encourage mothers (and fathers too). From ancient fertility rites and lore about conception to the folk mythology of labor and aboriginal beliefs about the first months of life, "With Child takes us around the world and through the ages in a fascinating presentation of panhuman maternal wisdom. Learn why the ancient Greek tradition of having a doula, a full-time mother’s assistant trained in the transition between pregnancy and motherhood, is regaining popularity for modern women. Discover the traditional way to plant a birth tree; herbal remedies to stop your baby from crying; yoga techniques for pregnancy; how to conduct a naming ceremony; or how to use feng shui to plan the baby’s sleeping place. Charting an inspirational course through pregnancy, birth, and early motherhood, "With Child" is the perfect gift for mothers and mothers-to-be, a beautiful and unique volume to be treasured and shared by all parents.
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