FDR’s D-Day Prayer Showed Us What a True Leader Looks Like

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On June 6, 1944, Franklin Roosevelt went on the radio and led the nation in prayer. Avoiding any trace of bluster, he asked not for conquest but for a better world.

With over 370 World War II vets dying every day, this year’s 75th anniversary of D-Day has a special poignancy. It reminds us that all those who on June 6, 1944, landed on the Normandy coast and began the last phase of World War II in Europe will soon be gone.

Like Gettysburg, D-Day marks a turning point in American history. In the case of Gettysburg, our memory of the battle is inseparable from the address President Abraham Lincoln delivered there four months later in November 1863. But it is often forgotten that D-Day, too, was memorialized in the year it took place.

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Comcast’s new eye-controlled channel changer sounds like something from the future

Comcast Xfinity

The new eye-controlled channel changer that Comcast debuted today is a futuristic-sounding marvel that will certainly make life a little more enjoyable for people with physical disabilities who can now use merely their eyes to control their TVs. The just-announced Xfinity X1 eye control feature is a web-based remote control for tablets and computers that Comcast says pairs with an existing eye gaze system and gives viewers the ability to perform tasks like changing the channel, setting a recording, searching for a show and more, all with just a glance.

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Comcast’s new eye-controlled channel changer sounds like something from the future originally appeared on BGR.com on Mon, 17 Jun 2019 at 14:58:21 EDT. Please see our terms for use of feeds.


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Miley Cyrus, Kristen Stewart and Sandra Bullock: See What the MTV Movie Awards Looked Like 10 Years Ago

Sacha Baron Cohen, 2009 MTV Movie Awards2009 was a year that will forever stand out in pop culture history.
Hannah Montana: The Movie premiered, the Black Eyed Peas released their hit song “Boom Boom Pow” and The Hills…

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What would life be like in a zero-carbon country?

Drastic restrictions on almost every aspect of people’s lives, from the cars they drive, the way they heat their homes, to the fridges they buy — even the food stored in them. That is the reality of what awaits us in 2050 if a UK government pledge to cut greenhouse emissions to “net zero” is to be met.


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Mindy Kaling’s Late Night celebrates individuality in a cutthroat industry—an empowering message for humor writers like me

Mindy Kaling’s Late Night celebrates individuality in a cutthroat industry—an empowering message for humor writers like me


Mindy Kaling’s <em>Late Night</em> celebrates individuality in a cutthroat industry—an empowering message for humor writers like me

I write jokes for a living. Well, I also write food reviews, local features, and technical content about cloud computing (I’m fun), but my income these days is about 65 percent jokes. As a humor writer with the ultimate goal of working in late-night TV, I was eager to check out Late Night, Mindy Kaling’s new comedy about a veteran late-night host (Emma Thompson) and her scrappy new writer’s room hire (Kaling). The comedy industry is slowly becoming more inclusive, but Late Night–an industry film penned by a woman–is long overdue. It didn’t disappoint.

Thompson is at the center of Late Night as Katherine Newbury, an extremely British late-night veteran clad in the most exquisite suits I’ve ever seen. Katherine has built a career on her dry, erudite humor and her personal motto: “Excellence without compromise.” She has decades in the business, a sumptuous sitting room packed with Emmys, and one serious problem: Despite her sharp humor and obvious influence, Katherine has become irrelevant. That’s due to a few things, most notably her all-white, all-male writer’s room that looks like a caucus of the Harvard Lampoon’s most ardent boat shoe devotees. Early on, Katherine’s stage manager, Brad (Denis O’Hare), tactfully suggests that the room is less than inclusive. “I don’t think you think you hate women,” he says lightly.

Enter Kaling’s character: Molly Patel, a Pennsylvania chemical plant quality control manager whose comedy experience is limited to the occasional quip sprinkled into her factory loudspeaker announcements. Katherine demands that Brad hire a woman, and Molly is simply the first one to show up for the interview. She gets the job, a fact that infuriates Katherine’s bro-centric writing staff. “I wish I was a woman of color so I could get a job with zero qualifications,” moans one of the writers. It’s a little on the nose, but it’s a complaint I’ve heard before from white colleagues who would rather bash diverse hiring practices than put in the work to make themselves more competitive candidates.

Molly fumbles her way into the room on her first day, dreamily quoting Yeats and toting boxes of cupcakes for her waspy coworkers–even sitting on an overturned trash can instead of asking for a chair. Despite her earnest nature, which Katherine describes as “hard to be around,” Molly quickly proves that she’s more than a diversity hire. With no one willing to teach her the rules of the room, Molly makes her own, injecting her own ideas into the tired, murky world of late-night. Molly’s perspective becomes even more valuable when network CEO Caroline Morton (Amy Ryan) announces her plan to replace Katherine with truly heinous dude comic Daniel Tennant (Ike Barinholtz). Faced with losing her show, Katherine accepts Molly’s advice to ditch her uppity tone and meet her audience on their level.

Like Molly, I’ve also been described as uncomfortably earnest.

I’m unmistakably Midwestern, with a penchant for consuming baked goods and “sneaking past” people who are in my way. However, that’s where my similarities with Molly end. I may be accommodating to a fault, but I’m also pretty gross. I write jokes about yeast infections and salami; I torment my partner with songs about butts. As a kid, I was often described as “too much,” wearing underpants on my head to get laughs at sleepovers. (If you didn’t wear underpants on your head at slumber parties you’re legally not allowed to submit late-night packets.)

Though I’ve found solace in the comedy community, I’m still occasionally besieged by anxiety when I think about my chosen field. I didn’t attend an Ivy League school, and despite increased diversity in the industry, things are still looking pretty rough. That’s why Late Night is such a delight. Yes, this industry is still incredibly nebulous, with social and professional norms that are sometimes impossible to interpret. Yes, writer’s rooms are still largely dominated by the Harvard Boat Shoe Coalition. But doors are opening. Some of my favorite writers–Ariel Dumas (The Late Show With Stephen Colbert), Karen Chee (Late Night with Seth Meyers) and Jaboukie Young-White (The Daily Show) to name a few–are skirting traditional joke formats and emphasizing kindness and vulnerability in the industry, making way for a whole new wave of diverse writers with unique stories to tell.

The rise of these writers affirms the core message of Late Night: The industry is craving diversity and authenticity.

While the film certainly speaks to the challenges of working in a white male-dominated field, it comes across less as a scrappy women’s story and more as a testament to individuality. By the end of the film, Katherine discovers that her motto–“excellence without compromise”–needs some reshaping. This is, of course, because excellence looks a little different for everyone, and the only way to make truly powerful satire—satire capable of telling important stories and tackling traditional power structures—is to include diverse perspectives. Whether that comes from a Pennsylvania chemical plant worker or a reformed underpants hat model like me, new perspectives move the industry forward.

And let’s be honest: If Emma Thompson can go from snaggletoothed childcare professional to fabulous platinum-coiffed late-night host, anything’s possible.

The post Mindy Kaling’s <em>Late Night</em> celebrates individuality in a cutthroat industry—an empowering message for humor writers like me appeared first on HelloGiggles.

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Father’s Day gifts that he’ll actually like (and use)

Father’s day is just around the corner, so we’ve scouted out the best gift ideas…

Gifts For Him

Struggling to buy a gift this Father’s day? Well have no fear. We’ve rounded up the best Father’s day gifts to get your hands on. You’d think by now we would know what to get and would’ve made some notes from these stylish Christmas gifts for him or the ultimate men’s grooming gift guide – but it gets harder every year.

Father’s Day is a celebration honoring fathers and it gives us a chance every year to show our appreciation for the dads in our lives. And we all want to do our best to show just how much we really love them. Notoriously hard to shop for, dad’s big day is always a bit of struggle. But we’re here with a little help.

We know how important the first man in our life is to us, and sometimes nothing can seem good enough for our lovely dads. But to them it’s the thought that counts and we’ve put all the thought in for you. Whether he’s a sporty dad, more of a clean-cut type, a big ol’bearded guy or maybe he’s just become a father for the first time and could do with being spoiled, there’s something for everyone.

They taught us how to swim and how to ride a bike, and much to our mortification, probably had a good old talking to with our very first boyfriend. But we love them no matter what, and what better way to show it than to buy them a divine tie, a slick pair of shoes or a snazzy travel kit. From old school aviators’ to top of the range aftershaves, we’ve got it covered. Whether you want to splurge or save there’s lots of choices in our epic selection of Father’s day gifts.

Whatever your budget have a look at our edit of the best Father’s day gifts and be sure to take note to ensure he will have a huge grin on his face come Sunday!

The post Father’s Day gifts that he’ll actually like (and use) appeared first on Marie Claire.

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Keyshia Cole Isn’t Letting A Little Thing Like A Blossoming Baby Bump Keep Her From Two-Stepping On Stage

2017 Soul Train Music Awards - Show

Source: Mindy Small / Getty

It’s unclear when Keyshia Cole is set to give birth to her second child, but her bump is big enough to let fans know that she’s far along. They know this because ever since she announced that she’s expecting, she’s returned to the stage to perform without any trouble.

The 37-year-old took the stage on Memorial Day in Houston to perform her hits and had no issue belting out the tunes or keeping up with the steps alongside her background dancers. She did this in bootie heels, a Moschino ensemble and shades. Her sister Neffeteria shared a clip of her doing her thing with the proud big sis caption, “Superstar.”

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❤ Superstar ✨

A post shared by Neffeteria "Neffe" Pugh (@therealneffeteria) on

Body rolls and everything, folks.

Keyshia announced, to the surprise of everyone, that she and boyfriend Niko Khale are expecting their first child together in early April. Her 23-year-old boyfriend, who is a rapper, shared his love for the “Enough of No Love” singer following the reveal.

“Such a strong, beautiful, independent woman,” he wrote. “Every day you inspire me. Blessed to have you as a partner in life as well as the mother of my child. God is great.”

Keyshia and Niko have been dating since 2017. She was previously linked to Bow Wow, Birdman and was married to former NBA player Daniel “Boobie” Gibson (word is, their divorce still isn’t finalized). They share a son together, DJ, who is now 10.

Despite the age difference between them and a lot of the comments people have made about their relationship, Keyshia has been open about how very happy he makes her.

“Now the reason I’m posting The pepper to my salt @nikokhale is because he’s been such a sweetheart to me, and I kno people have been very judgmental about our relationship but I gotta nurture what nurtures me.”

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Melbourne-based hair artist Michael O’Halloran dyed a client’s hair to look like a vomiting emoji, and it’s now going viral on Instagram. Learn more about the epic hair-color look, exactly how he created it, and what fans are saying, here.
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Nancy Pelosi frustrates Democratic activists on impeachment — but strategists like what she’s doing

About three dozen House Democrats have called for Trump impeachment hearings, and legal experts find clear justification. Pelosi keeps resisting.
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Prince William Gets Vulnerable, Talks ‘Pain Like No Other’ After Diana Died

No more stiff upper lip. Prince William opened up about the grief he experienced upon losing his mother, Princess Diana.

The royal, 36, sat down with soccer pros to discuss men’s mental health for BBC’s A Royal Team Talk: Tackling Mental Health, which will air on Sunday, May 19. “I think when you are bereaved at a very young age, anytime really, but particularly at a young age — I can resonate closely to that — you feel pain like no other pain. And you know that in your life it’s going to be very difficult to come across something that is going to be an even worse pain than that,” he said. “But it also brings you so close to all those other people out there who have been bereaved.”

William shared how his vulnerability is a comfort to those who have gone through similar trials. “So you instantly, when you talk to someone else, you can almost see it in their eyes sometimes. It’s a weird thing to say, but somebody — particularly me — someone who’s desperate to talk about bereavement, you can kind of pick up on it quite quickly,” he explained. “They want to talk about it. But they want you to go first, they want you to say, ‘It’s OK,’ they want to have your permission. In that particular conversation, one-on-one it’s OK to talk about bereavement.”

The Duke of Cambridge went on to point out that British people find this difficult because they are conditioned to hide how they truly feel. “I think particularly in Britain as well, we are nervous about our emotions. We are a bit embarrassed sometimes,” he reasoned. “The British stiff upper lip thing, that’s great and we need to have that occasionally when times are really hard. There has to be a moment for that. But otherwise, we’ve got to relax a little bit and be able to talk about our emotions because we’re not robots.”

Princess Diana died in August 1997 after being involved in a car crash in Paris. William was 15 at the time of his mother’s death, while Prince Harry was 12.

Princess Diana and Prince William
Prince William at confirmation with Prince Charles and Princess Diana at Windsor Castle. Tim Graham Picture Library/Getty Images

The eldest prince married Duchess Kate in April 2011. The couple are parents of Prince George, 5, Princess Charlotte, 4, and Prince Louis, 12 months.

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Howard Stern: Living Under Trump Presidency ‘Feels Like an Alternate Reality. I’m as Shocked as You Are’

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It’s hard to say which dude comes off as more puerile, shameless and creepy—the shock jock (because, after all, that was his job) or the future president of the United States.

Howard Stern’s new book, Howard Stern Comes Again—a compendium of his favorite radio interviews with celebrities, accompanied by his less than Talmudic commentary—documents his two indecorous decades as Donald Trump’s enabler and political cheerleader who, along with NBC’s former chief executive Jeff Zucker (the instigator of The Apprentice), helped the publicity-hungry real estate, branding and bankruptcy impresario position himself to run for high office.

“Now here he is sitting in the Oval Office and flying around on Air Force One,” Stern writes in the introduction. “Two years into his first term, I’m still trying to wrap my brain around it. I feel like I’m living in an alternate reality…[B]elieve me, I’m as shocked as you are.”

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A Single Mom Opens Up About Her Divorce: “I Feel Like I Failed” | Book of John Gray | OWN

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How Billie Jean King Beat Bobby Riggs Like a Drum

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You might know Larry Merchant best as the tough old bastard who didn’t back down from Floyd Mayweather in a post-fight interview, but before he became famous for talking about boxing on TV, Merchant was a crack sports columnist. He’s one of many talents featured in the entertaining new Library of America sports anthology, The Great American Sports Page: A Century of Classic Columns from Ring Lardner to Sally Jenkins (edited by John Schulian). Merchant was the sports editor at the Philadelphia Daily News in the ’50s and had a nose for writing talent. He put together one of the legendary sports departments and helped unleash a new wave of reporters, the so-called Chipmunks. Later, he took off with his own column, where he was hip, smart, and had a sense of humor. Here’s his 1973 look at that ’70s war of the sexes spectacle, the Billie Jean King thrashing of Bobby Riggs. —Alex Belth

All right, men, quit brooding and get to the dishes. Make sure the beds have hospital corners. And on the way to the supermarket why don’t you stop off at the doctor’s office for a little vasectomy? We’ve been the unfair sex for millennia. Last night we surrendered unconditionally.

Bobby Riggs, carrying the banner of male chauvinism, went down in flames.

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Now You Too Can Drink Like a Rock Star

Courtesy Jimmy Fontaine

When you have opened for the Rolling Stones and toured with Black Sabbath, it’s safe to assume that your life is a montage of sex, drugs and rock ’n’ roll, right?

But Jay Buchanan, lead singer of the band Rival Sons, paints a much more business-like picture of being a rock star.

“I’m all about a good time and every night is Saturday night around here for sure, but the music comes first,” he assures me. “Going too hard is not going to sustain you.”

Read more at The Daily Beast.

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http://www.acrx.org -As millions of Americans strive to deal with the economic downturn,loss of jobs,foreclosures,high cost of gas,and the rising cost of prescription drug cost. Charles Myrick ,the President of American Consultants Rx, announced the re-release of the American Consultants Rx community service project which consist of millions of free discount prescription cards being donated to thousands of not for profits,hospitals,schools,churches,etc. in an effort to assist the uninsured,under insured,and seniors deal with the high cost of prescription drugs.-American Consultants Rx -Pharmacy Discount Network News

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Jimmy Kimmel Proves Celebs Get Awkward Texts From Their Moms Just Like Everyone

With Mother’s Day right around the corner, Jimmy Kimmel decided to once again offer a twist on his infamous Mean Tweets segments and have celebrities read a selection of heartfelt, head-scratching and downright odd texts sent by their mothers.

“Feather, teamwork when you are cohabbing makes the dream work,” Katy Perry shared from her phone, reading off a mother’s long, non-punctuated text from her mom about how to successfully live with a significant other. (Highlight: “the man is the head but the woman is the neck that turns the head.”)

Kourtney Kardashian confessed that she’d been ignoring a series of texts from her “momager” Kris Jenner, while singer Billie Eilish’s mom told her in no uncertain terms to “go the duck to sleep!!!!!!”

Catastrophe star Rob Delaney showed off his mother’s crude adventures with autocorrect, Pink’s mother outed herself as a “stoner”, and Stranger Things star David Harbour revealed his mom’s desperate desire for freebies: “David love you lots Will you send me anything you can find for free?????? thank you so much–thank you. pens, key chains Are you having fun?? Love you love you. Mom.”

The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina the Teenage Witch star Kiernan Shipka, meanwhile, received an odd text from her mom that just read: “Jared Leto is 47 I’m going vegan”.

And then there’s this from Regina Hall’s mom: “Jt concert tix not going to good job CCD Kjust.can’t tecxstill trying byb love you you”. While the text was incomprehensible, one thing that’s clear is that she loves her daughter — which is the sign of a good mom text, after all.


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Will Smith previews his version of ‘Aladdin’ classic ‘Friend Like Me’ and it’s actually great

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It’s the moment Disney fans are waiting for, and one many are coming at with eyebrows raised — Will Smith’s version of “Friend Like Me.”

The star of the new live action Aladdin takes on the coveted role of the Genie, one immortalised by the late great Robin Williams.

“Robin Williams smashed that role,” Smith told Jimmy Fallon on Monday night, and that Smith himself originally didn’t want to touch the role. “Hell no,” he said, when first asked. And fair enough, people have had their eyes critically fixed on any Genie footage of Smith from square one.

Nonetheless, what pushed him over the line? Messing around with “Friend Like Me,” Smith had the team run the drum beat of The Honey Drippers’ 1973 track “Impeach The President” on top. Read more…

More about Disney, The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Fallon, Will Smith, and Aladdin


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How Grace Kelly Dressed Like a Princess in Christian Dior

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GRANVILLE, France—As a child, designer Christian Dior lived in a pretty pink house, overlooking long sandy beaches and the swell of the Atlantic in Normandy.

His family left for Paris when Dior was only five, and the home is one of the only fashion museums in France dedicated to a designer. Musée Christian Dior’s new exhibition Grace Kelly: Princess in Dior (to November 17) celebrates the Dior wardrobe of the Academy Award-winning actress turned Monaco royalty.

Alfred Hitchcock’s beloved muse worked a gig at the Cannes Film Festival in 1955 into a new day job as Princess of Monaco, after she met at the festival that year, Prince Rainier III of Monaco, who was to become her husband.

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"The left does not understand that companies need to make money in order to invest in new projects and new businesses," the investor says.
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Tolkien director on family snub: ‘They didn’t like Lord Of The Rings either’

It’s not good practice to get too close to the family of the subject you are making a film about, according to the director of new biopic Tolkien.
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Amen, Justin Bieber. I Prayed Like a Celebrity for Three Weeks.

Photo Illustration by The Daily Beast/Getty/Shutterstock

My astrology app Co-Star told me that on April 21, I would find power in love. The stars gave me blanket permission to speak up and express myself—or, in the app’s words, “Communication will enhance ego.”

Off I went that morning, the beginning of Taurus season, ready to tell my date of six months I wanted something more out of our budding flirtation. Jupiter was in Sagittarius, Co-Star told me, so naturally he would feel the same way, too.

God had other plans.

Read more at The Daily Beast.

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Watching high-stress TV shows like Killing Eve calms me down. I decided to find out why

Watching high-stress TV shows like Killing Eve calms me down. I decided to find out why


Watching high-stress TV shows like <em>Killing Eve</em> calms me down. I decided to find out why

April is Stress Awareness Month. On HelloGiggles, we are talking about the routines, habits, and activities that unexpectedly keep us calm and grounded in a society where harmfulhigh levels of stress are dangerously normalized. (Trigger warning: This article discusses trauma from sexual assault.)

I was sitting next to my fiancée and we both had our eyes on the TV screen in front of us. Villanelle (Jodie Comer) had broken into Eve’s (Sandra Oh) home. Eve grabbed a knife; Villanelle, a trained and skilled assassin, obviously noticed and called her out on it. My fiancée and I eyed each other nervously throughout the scene, wondering if either woman would end up injured or dead. Eve ended the scene soaking wet and sweating—and I ended it feeling calmer and more in control than I had in days.

I started binging Killing Eve recently after reading about the show for several months on Autostraddle, my go-to resource on what queer women should be watching right now. It seemed like the perfect escape: We’d just recently finished You, the Lifetime psychological thriller that found new life on Netflix, and there was a high-stress media hole in my heart.

It may sound counterintuitive, but watching highly stressful media—horror movies like Jordan Peele’s Us, intense dramas like How to Get Away With Murder, and everyone’s favorite titular serial killer, Dexter—helps me relieve stress.

I’m not alone in feeling this way. According to research by Margee Kerr, a sociologist, fear researcher, and author of Scream: Chilling Adventures In the Science of Fear, a high-arousal negative stimuli, such as watching a horror movie or a show about murder, can improve mood significantly. Watching horror movies can also cause adrenaline levels to spike, resulting in viewers feeling less anxious or frustrated, according to a 2012 study.

“Viewing high-stress media can feel exhilarating and stress relieving,” says Dr. Allison Forti, an assistant professor at Wake Forest University’s Counseling and Human Services graduate program. “Two defense mechanisms, displacement and projection, can explain this. Rather than confront the co-worker who gossiped about you at work, your frustration and anger release through the serial killer’s violent acts in the movie.”

Consuming high-stress media can serve as a way to channel negative emotions like humiliation, rejection, shame, anger, regret, and spite.

This isn’t a universal experience. Kerr’s research only included people who wanted to voluntarily scare themselves, and Dr. Forti explains that some people experience serious psychological distress when they watch high-stress media: “The sympathetic nervous system activates and the body gears up to fight or flee.” So while someone like me, who loves fictional serial killers and haunted houses, might feel happier after a heart-racing experience, this probably won’t be true for people who hate those things.

It doesn’t entirely surprise me that the more I’ve been binge watching Killing Eve, the less stressed out I am.

My adoration for watching high-stress shows as a coping mechanism actually started after I was raped in college, when I found watching The Vampire Diaries and Dexter oddly cathartic. I felt like I’d lost my own sense of agency and control, and there was something comforting about actively choosing to make my heart pound instead of waiting for it to happen because I’d woken up from another nightmare about the attack.

“When our stress level is escalated, using coping strategies that have a similar intensity can often provide a sense of relief,” explains psychotherapist Beth Scarlett.

“Sometimes we feel anxious or stressed, and we have trouble pinpointing the source of it. An intense show gives our brains a ‘reason’ for being wound up, which actually gives a sense of relief.”


After I was assaulted, I found it hard to wake up in the morning and concentrate in my classes; I’d start thinking about what happened and feel overcome by a surge of panic or anger. I wanted a way to deal with my emotions that wasn’t overwhelming and wouldn’t completely consume me. In addition to going to a therapist weekly, I started binge watching high-stress TV series in my dorm room.

The characters always felt a sense of urgency: Maybe they were on the edge of being caught as a serial killer; maybe they were the one being hunted. It gave me the opportunity to safely process my trauma.

“High-stress media can be used to channel unconscious or conscious thoughts and feelings that are too psychologically risky to address in a healthier way,” explains Dr. Forti. I didn’t feel it was safe to confront my rapist, but I could channel my anger into Season 5 of Dexter, where the titular character helps a rape victim track down her assailants and kill them.

The impact of high-stress media can be even more powerful if it’s a rewatch, like Dexter was for me after I was assaulted. I’d already watched the show in its entirety in high school. “Many people find comfort in watching and re-watching movies where they know the sequence of the story,” explains psychotherapist Dr. Dana Dorfman. “This knowledge provides a sense of a mastery over scary material, and offers an escape and distraction from the unpredictability of real life.”

High-stress TV shows and movies can also serve as a safe way to expose yourself to something that scares you or makes you nervous, Dr. Dorfman explains.

“This gradual exposure desensitizes the person to the stimulus and reconditions the brain to respond differently,” she says, and the viewer retrains their brain to react more calmly to stressful content.

Watching scenes of Lumen surviving rape in Dexter’s fifth season helped me cope with the trauma of my own assault without leaving my twin XL bed. Seeing a main character onscreen dealing with the impacts of post-traumatic stress, like nightmares and panic attacks, helped me realize that I was capable of healing someday too—even without the help of a serial killer to literally murder my rapist.


It’s been seven years since the assault and my daily life is nowhere near as stressful. I’m planning a wedding with my partner and balancing my career and social life with my disability, but I also have a lot of support. I don’t feel the same sense of urgency every morning when I wake up as I did for months after I was assaulted. But I still reach for the remote to turn on shows like Killing Eve and You, which my partner and I finished almost immediately after starting it. Dr. Dorfman calls this perspective building, which is when viewers use high-stress media to help them keep the stress of everyday life in perspective.

My stress now is mainly over minor things like taking my cat to the vet because she has an infection or realizing when the day is almost over that I don’t have a key ingredient for dinner. But stress can still take a toll on me. A couple of weeks ago, my partner came home exhausted after several crises at work and I was drained after planning out an enormous project.

As soon as we sat down to eat dinner, I suggested Killing Eve, which we’d recently started watching. “You know killers always make us feel better,” I said, hovering over the Hulu play button next to Sandra Oh’s distressed expression and incredible hair.

She laughed. At the end of the episode, when we were met with an enthralling cliffhanger, she asked, “One more?”

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The Kid Question: Have You Ever Felt Like You Needed to Choose Between Kids and Career?

stock photo of pregnant career woman

An older friend was reminiscing recently about the ’70s and ’80s, when a woman who had a career generally had to either decide NOT to have kids or, if they were determined to become a mom, find a way to make it work somehow. I suppose it doesn’t sound so strange to write it out here — sure, everyone makes choices — but there was a darkness to her tone that struck me, an underlayer of “If you really need to have kids, you can, but your career will suffer and you’ll never see your kids anyway — so if you were a ‘working woman’ first or someone who wanted a big career, you wouldn’t have kids back then.” (She never had kids, but had several long and successful careers.) I thought we’d talk about it today, decades away from the time she was talking about… what messages have you received about kids and career, and have you ever felt like you needed to choose between the two? If you’ve ever pondered motherhood, did you feel like your career would be constrained to any extent by having kids? 

Here are some things to discuss regarding the The Kid Question for working women:

  • For everyone: What messaging have you received about The Kid Question? What have you felt is “expected of you” (by your family/friends/education/office culture)? Which doors have you left open, which have you gone through, and which have you shut, whether mentally or physically?
  • For younger women: How much do you think the message “Make a choice: motherhood OR your career” is still an issue for women today? 
  • For working moms: What has surprised you about the sacrifices that working mothers have to make? What have been your best strategies or tools for juggling motherhood and a career (flexible work arrangements, long maternity leaves, options to lean out/on-ramp)? (Coincidentally, over at CorporetteMoms today I’m sharing my top tips on how to find balance as a working mom…)
  • For women without kids, either by choice or circumstance: How has the lack of kids affected your career? What would you advise younger women?

As for me, I think the messaging around career and motherhood has changed significantly — I saw a lot of working mothers in both the magazine world and the legal world, and I never really questioned whether I could have both a career and kids. I did think life would be crazy… but like Finals Week crazy. Intense periods of stress, but mostly doable. That said, I do know of at least one friend my age who did make career choices based on her desire to be a mother — she went for her MBA in her late 20s and was considering becoming an investment banker, but was steered away from that track because she told her advisers she also wanted to have kids a year or two after graduating. (If memory serves she had her son right after graduation, so she may have even been pregnant when these discussions were happening.)

Now, as a mom of two kids, I’ll say that it’s way crazier and that the crazy is more prolonged than I had expected. (There was a whole “Mommy Effect” study that found that a lot of moms-to-be have an unrealistic view of what life as a working mom will be like.) I also feel like the decision to have kids means you step away from what is plannable or even knowable to a certain extent — you step away from clear goalposts and milestones in a career sense and move at your own pace, which may be faster or slower depending on your family situation. (As I write this, the question of equity comes to mind — do men who want or expect to be fathers have to step away from clear goalposts and milestones? Do they walk into parenthood expecting to make any sacrifices, and even with equal parenting, do male parents make equal sacrifices? Might be an interesting discussion to have with the guys in your life.)

Let’s hear from you, ladies — what does The Kid Question look like to you now? Do you feel like you have to sacrifice kids for career, to any extent in 2019? If you’re a working mom, what choices and sacrifices have you made? If you don’t have kids yet but plan to, what choices and sacrifices do you expect to make?

Stock photo via Shutterstock / NotarYES.

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