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Jennifer Aniston calls her marriages to Justin Theroux and Brad Pitt “very successful” and talks about choosing to be happy in an interview with “Elle” magazine.
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For the foreseeable future, Offset will be looking mighty funny in the light after allegedly stepping out on his lady for women who are in Cardi B’s line of work but nowhere near her level of fame. Summer Bunni, the alleged mistress of Offset, apparently put together a track in honor of her relationship with the Migos rapper and insisting that she didn’t intend to be a homewrecker.
The Blast reports:
Summer Bunni tells The Blast, she penned “Don’t Matter” over the summer when she was experiencing “mixed feelings” about Offset. “I just wanted to write about how I felt at the time,” Bunni says, adding that she felt her emotions were being neglected during her brief fling with the hip-hop star.
As we’ve reported, Cardi B shocked the entertainment world this week when she announced a split with Offset after claiming the two had been trying to make the relationship work for a “long time.” Shortly after news broke, text messages went viral appearing to show Offset was trying to organize a ménage à trois with Bunni and another woman, Cuban Doll.
Bunni is mortified that she has been labeled as a homewrecker and says she never intended to be a catalyst for rapper’s split. “I really thought he and I were for real,” Bunni admits, saying she sincerely hopes the “Bodak Yellow” star can accept her apology one day.
If you want to hear the track, you’ll have to wait to next Tuesday (Dec. 11) or check out The Blast‘s exclusive teaser on their site.
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Fresh off this weekend’s agreement for a pause in the tariff war between the US and China, President Trump touted the accomplishment and said he believes he can work with China’s Xi Jinping and Russia’s Vladimir Putin to curb the nuclear arms race. “I am certain that, at some time in the future, President Xi…
Business | New York Post
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And Monday’s episode was no exception, as the actress dished on dealing with domestic violence.
Jada talks to her mother, Adrienne Banfield-Norris, about her abusive relationship with her father, the late Robsol Pinkett Jr., who died in 2010. Adrienne reveals that Pinkett Jr. physically abused her and was typically drunk during his violent spells.
“See, I was a violent drunk too, that’s why I had to stop drinking,” Jada replies.
“He gave me a black eye once, and I tried to hide it from Mommy, but she saw it,” Adrienne says.
Jada breaks down talking about her late father, who she describes as a “gentle soul.”
“It’s not easy to hear that your parents experienced that together,” she says, as Adrienne remarks that she wishes Robsol was still alive to share his side of the story.
“Now that I’m older, I have so much more compassion in knowing what he had gone through. You know, ’cause I was pretty harsh on him.”
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While the auto industry star is in detention in Tokyo, the global auto alliance he ran is showing signs of strain and conflict.
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But the Xscape singer says a friendship with Phaedra Parks is out of the question.
On Sunday’s Watch What Happens Live a caller asked Kandi, “Now that you and Porsha are in a better place, do you think you and Phaedra will ever come to mends?”“Nah,” Kandi replied instantly. “Absolutely not. Absolutely not. That was too far. That was too much. I’ve never heard anything [from her]. No apologies, no nothing. And I’m cool with that. We don’t ever have to talk again, and I’m good. Let’s move forward.”
Season 9 saw Kandi confronting Phaedra about her role in spreading the vicious rumor that Burruss and her husband wanted to take advantage of Porsha.
Later in the show, Kandi and guest Keke Palmer indulged in a kinky version of “Never Have I Ever” that played out like this…
Question: Never have I ever had sex in a hot tub under the stars.
Who Sipped: Kandi
Question: Never have I ever gotten kinky in the back of a movie theater during a date night.
Who Sipped: Kandi and Keke
Question: Never have I ever woken up next to a stranger after a night of hardcore partying.
Who Sipped: No one, but Andy added, “I mean, what’s a stranger? Everyone’s a friend!”
Question: Never have I ever taken a naughty photo and sent it to someone as a goodnight pic.
Who Sipped: No one. “I don’t send pictures and I don’t do video,” Kandi said. Keke added, “No face!” and the two high-fived.
Question: Never have I ever made a booty call to someone past midnight.
Who Sipped: Kandi, Keke and Andy
Question: Never have I ever showed up to my lover’s house late at night in lingerie and a trench coat.
Who Sipped: No one. “I wish I could do something that bold!” Keke said.
Question: Never have I ever watched porn with my significant other before bedtime.
Who Sipped: Kandi, Keke and Andy
PHOTO: Watch What Happens Live screenshot
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No matter how society evolves, women are still carrying the emotional burden of relationship.
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John Schneider is hoping he can mend his strained relationship with his three children.
In an exclusive clip of Monday’s Dancing with the Stars, the Dukes of Hazzard alum, who played Bo Duke on the comedy series from 1979-85, gets emotional while explaining how country music and DWTS has affected his life.
“What country music means to me is it’s three chords and the truth and it shines a light on things that happen in everyday life that are wonderful, not so wonderful, and that are heart-wrenching,” Schneider, 58, says.
“I’ve been going through a divorce now for four years and it’s awful. The worst part about it is that it’s wedged itself in between my three adult children and myself. Nothing I can do except hope one day one of my kids will call me up or show up. I look in the crowd every Monday thinking maybe tonight, maybe tonight.”
“If it weren’t for this music and now Dancing with the Stars, I don’t think I can survive it,” he admits. “It gives me great joy at a time where I desperately needed it.”
Earlier on in the season, Schneider briefly spoke towards his relationship with his children. whom he is not on speaking terms with.
“I’m hoping that I will do my family proud, I’ll do my love over there proud,” said Schneider told host Erin Andrews, referencing his girlfriend, Alicia, and added, “and maybe my children will speak to me again.”
After 21 years of marriage, Schneider’s estranged wife Elvira “Elly” Schneider filed for divorce in Los Angeles County on Nov. 14, 2014. She cited irreconcilable differences as the reason for their split, according to court documents.
In September 2016, Schneider — he shares adult children Leah, Chasen, and Karis with Elvira — was ordered to pay his ex $ 18,911 every month, TMZ reported.
But in June, Schneider was sentenced to three days behind bars in the Los Angeles County Jail in June for failure to pay more than $ 150,000 in owed alimony payments to Elvira. The actor was released on the same day as his initial booking because of California’s overcrowded prison system, but his legal woes were not done with that.
Schneider was also ordered to serve an additional 120 hours behind bars for contempt, but that sentence was suspended by the court on the condition that he fulfills a four-part list of conditions, including filing back taxes to help clear title to their property in Apple Valley so that it could be transferred to her, paying his ex half of his owed earnings from Maven Entertainment, and offering certain financial disclosures before the end of the year.
Dancing with the Stars airs Mondays (8 p.m. ET) on ABC.
Fashion Deals Update:
Justin Rose is No. 1 in the world — for now. He’ll give it back to Brooks Koepka next week. But that’s how things go for Rose, who finds odd ways to get the top spot before giving it up.
www.espn.com – GOLF
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I realized I was never taught to put relationships at the top of my priority list.
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If you’re an owner of a construction company, you may find the world of marketing a bit intimidating. With more than 85% of all home improvement projecting starting online, it’s more important now than ever to optimize your digital marketing strategy to align with your sales goals. Whether your company handles all marketing campaigns in-house, you utilize a third-party lead generation service, or a mixture of the two, we’ve compiled 3 keys to a healthy Sales & Marketing relationship that will help your team surpass your revenue goals.
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The internet is a crowded place—and it’s only becoming more crowded. There are currently around 3.03 billion social media users. The good news is, this means there are far more opportunities to connect with people and gain followers for your brand. But on the flip side, it also means there’s much more competition. If you want to stand out you’re going to have to try harder to get followers, connect with people, and make an authentic positive, lasting impression. Fortunately, there are many ways to do this.
Four Ways to Get Followers and Create Connections:
Create Engaging Videos
YouTube is one of the internet’s biggest, most popular platforms. It currently has just over a billion users—that’s almost one-third of total Internet users—who watch more than 500 million hours of content every single day.
Creating videos for your audience to watch is far more personal than just uploading blog posts. It allows them to see many aspects of your personality that you just can’t express through words and helps to build trust.
Some users have built their entire business by creating unique and engaging YouTube videos. Bri Hall is one beauty, fashion, and lifestyle vlogger who has amassed over 600,000 followers and over 32 million unique views on her videos since she started producing content in 2013.
On the other side of the scale, there are YouTubers like Roberto Blake who gained popularity discussing entrepreneurship with his audience on how to market themselves. His channel has amassed over 23 million views of his videos.
It’s becoming increasingly clear that no matter what kind of content you create, you’re likely to find an audience if your branding is on point.
Uploading Instagram Posts and Videos Regularly
If you’re not already leveraging Instagram to connect with your followers, you probably should be. The platform now has 200 million monthly active users. Engagement rates are 15 times higher than Facebook, and 20 times higher than Twitter.
Using hashtags is also a great way to build your audience and introduce more people to your content.
Uploading an Instagram post or taking a quick 15-second video is much less effort than creating an entire YouTube video or organizing a local meetup. If you’re running low on time, it’s something you can do every single day along with to keep your audience engaged.
Also, if your followers like your Instagram content, it’s likely they’ll like your other content too. This means you can leverage Instagram to promote your YouTube videos, local meetups, or webinars to your followers
Launch a Webinar
A webinar is a middle ground between creating videos and hosting a meetup. It’s effectively the best of both worlds—you can connect with your followers in real-time without being limited by geographical location.
Platforms like ClickMeeting enable you to run custom-branded webinars and engage with followers from all over the world. You can use it for virtually anything—from sharing your day, introducing new products, to hosting questions and answering videos.
The best part about webinars is you’ll get immediate feedback from your audience-direct data that will help you understand how to improve your service or what they would like to see from you.
Host Meetups in Your Local Area
This can be quite a difficult strategy to carry out, and it first requires building a substantial audience. If your followers are based in different areas around the world, it could be a while before you raise enough interest to make a local meetup worthwhile.
However, if you’re willing to travel, or if the majority of your followers are based locally it can be a great way to connect people and will take your relationship with your followers to the next level.
There is no better way to build a lasting connection than actually meeting and talking in person.
For Best Results, Try Everything
There are virtually unlimited ways to make connections with your followers. While this means you have lots of options available, it can also feel quite overwhelming at times.
Picking one or two of these methods and sticking to them will work over time, but to really stand out and reach the widest audience possible, try out multiple methods to find out which will yield the best results.
For the best results, try to combine all of these methods and after a while go with whichever one works best for your business model.
The post 4 Ways to Get Followers and Create a Lasting Relationship appeared first on Black Enterprise.
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http://www.acrx.org -As millions of Americans strive to deal with the economic downturn,loss of jobs,foreclosures,high cost of gas,and the rising cost of prescription drug cost. Charles Myrick ,the President of American Consultants Rx, announced the re-release of the American Consultants Rx community service project which consist of millions of free discount prescription cards being donated to thousands of not for profits,hospitals,schools,churches,etc. in an effort to assist the uninsured,under insured,and seniors deal with the high cost of prescription drugs.-American Consultants Rx -Pharmacy Discount Network News
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Please help American Consultants Rx achieve it’s biggest goal yet of donating over 30 million discount prescription cards to over 50k organizations in an effort to assist millions of Americans in need. Please click here to donate today!
Your HelloGiggles horoscope, October 14th to October 20th: Consider this relationship renovation week
So how are we all doing? Are we feeling good? Are we refreshed? Do we need more hydration, more rest, more…sanity? Because, let’s get real, the last couple of weeks have been intense and sometimes just straight-up bizarre. As we continue to deal with Venus going retrograde in Scorpio, relationships and intimacy issues will still be at the forefront this week. Factor in the residue from the recent New Moon in Libra, and you can bet that we are all sifting and sorting through relationship issues right now.
But it’s not all bad. We could feel more in touch with our emotions than ever before. We might be inspired to speak our truths after months of keeping our feelings close to our chest. As we wrap up Libra season, keep its vibe close to you this week: stay diplomatic, keep balanced, and don’t be afraid to indulge in a little romance.
Here’s what else the stars have in store for you this week in your weekly horoscope.
Try to enjoy these last few days of your birthday season, Libra. Although Venus Retrograde has you feeling out of sorts, if you can see this phase as an opportunity for much-needed cleansing, then it won’t be all doom and gloom. Don’t forget to treat yourself during this time. Have that piece of cake, enjoy a pedi. Do what you can to feel good.
Although you’re not feeling super sexy right now, Scorpio, it’s going to be okay. Whether it’s noticeable or not, you’re in the midst of a transformation. You’re purging the old you in order to get to the heart of who you really are—and that is one smart, confident, sexy goddess. Do what you gotta do in order to get through, because it’ll be worth it.
While you prefer to move forward with life, Sag, you’re being asked to take pause. This is enough to drive you bananas, but taking time to get still will help open you up to receiving new opportunities and adventures. Don’t be afraid to discern and take your time. It’s in taking space where most growth happens.
It’s time to clean up your daily habits, Capricorn. Which habits add more to your life, and which ones don’t? Knee-jerk reactions usually stem from fear. Fear of change and the unknown. It’s time to focus on the new. What new things do you want to create? Know that, and form the new habits stemming from that goal. You know all about goals, right?
You’re coming to a breaking point, Aquarius. However, instead of seeing it as something stressful, try to see this time as a breakthrough. We often need to reach our edge in order to stimulate more change. And with change comes evolution and progress—and you’re all about progress. You got this.
Reviewing your relationships is causing you despair, Pisces. You might realize that you’re holding onto a toxic relationship or that you’ve been self-sabotaging. Instead of retreating into your room with your feelings, which you’re known to do, try to reach out to your loved ones at this time. You need support right now, and they’ll be happy to help.
You’re in the midst of a relationship inventory, Aries. You’re deciding which ones to keep and which ones to discard. While there might be people not worth holding onto anymore, don’t forget your part in a relationship. If you feel short-changed, perhaps the other party feels the same? You might want to talk it out before impulsively pulling the plug.
While you might not feel like yourself, Taurus, fret not. It just means that you’re in a period of growth. Transformation usually feels uncomfortable, and while you hate being out of your comfort zone, this is the only way for you to get where you need to go. Remember nothing is more painful than staying still.
You’re starting fresh, Gemini. While it might seem daunting at first, you’ll soon realize that you’re right where you belong. Moving forward with life means you have to take risks. While you like change, you like controlled change. However, you’re learning that not everything is within your control—and that’s a good thing.
People are getting on your nerves, Cancer. While it’s easy for you to retreat and hide out in your shell, the stars want you to confront your feelings—especially if that means confronting others. Feeling uncomfortable makes way for growth, and asserting yourself is part of that.
You might find yourself in some situations that require you to act quickly, Leo. While it might be easy to embellish or fib, doing so will only backfire. You’re being called to speak your truth, no matter how messy that might be. Because, really, being messy means being human, and everyone can relate to that.
You’re feeling tension around you, Virgo. From romantic relationships to family to work, it’ll feel trying to get your point across this week. However, it’s important to speak even louder during this time. You have something worth saying. Say what you need to say.
The post Your HelloGiggles horoscope, October 14th to October 20th: Consider this relationship renovation week appeared first on HelloGiggles.
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John Kelly called the president “great” and emphasized there was “no chaos” in the White House.
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Note: This article doesn’t contain any depiction of physical or sexual violence, but does detail financial and emotional abuse in relationships.
Lisa Orban was married to her abuser for three years. In 1990, she left after he threatened to kill her and their two young children.
She was 20 years old.
Her financial situation in the marriage? “Bad, in a nutshell,” she recalls.
Not unusual for the time, her husband was the main breadwinner, and he managed the finances.
“Whenever there was a chance that I might make enough money or make more money than him or do anything to upset his financial apple cart, so to speak, he would come in and sabotage it.”
She lost multiple jobs because of his meddling.
She moved with him from her hometown in Illinois to Arizona for college, where she’d won a four-year scholarship to study psychology. Before she could start, he contacted the university and told them she’d decided to drop out.
“Imagine my surprise when I go to registration day and find out that my scholarship is gone,” she says.
He even had control of the mailbox. He took her key, though she thought she’d just lost it, and put off replacing it. That had major, unexpected financial ramifications.
“It wasn’t until after we were divorced that I found out that I had not paid off my student loan.” The $ 4,000 loan ultimately cost her $ 38,000 to repay, she says.
The checks Orban thought were going into the mail were not, and the missed payment notices from her loan providers weren’t getting to her.
He kept control of the checking account.
He wouldn’t let her use the car alone.
He knew how much money she earned, and he would accompany her to the bank to deposit her paychecks.
He signed up for credit cards in her name.
By the time Orban left and filed for divorce, she was $ 80,000 in debt and didn’t even know about it.
What is Financial Abuse?
About 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men will experience severe intimate partner violence in their lifetime, according to a Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report.
Domestic violence and abuse comes in many forms, whether it’s physical, emotional, psychological or sexual — but it can also be financial. Likely, it’s some mix of these, but not always all of them.
Of those who experience violence, 98% also experience financial abuse.
“Like all abuse, financial abuse takes a lot of forms, but it’s all controlling behavior; power and control,” explains Casey Harden, senior vice president of Strategic Initiatives and Membership at YWCA USA. “Imagine tightening the reigns on the financial condition of the home, so that there’s limited options.”
Abusive partners may leave you out of major decisions and purchase a home that’s well out of your family’s budget, for example. They may run up credit card debt without their partner’s knowledge or input, lie about paying bills or damage valuable property.
In addition to safety concerns, victims of domestic violence often stay in abusive relationship because of a lack of financial resources.
“Many survivors, even after they’ve left, often return because of finances,” says Kim Pentico, director of the Economic Justice Program at the National Network to End Domestic Violence.
Michelle Kuehner, a survivor of domestic violence who is now a financial advisor and author of The Money Diet blog, explains:
“More often than not, the abuser has made the victim feel as if they are dependent upon the abuser. That without the help of the abuser, the victim could not survive financially in the world, and it is only by the grace of the abuser that the victim has a roof over their head, and food on the table.”
If you’re in a bad situation, we want to do our part in empowering you to move forward.
The Penny Hoarder features a ton of content to help you understand your finances and improve your financial situation. But it can be tough to see how it pertains to you when you feel like you have zero control over your financial life.
Here, I try to put it into context.
I spoke with financial, legal and relationship experts, as well as domestic violence advocates to bring you resources, advice and action steps to prepare you to leave and recover your finances afterward.
6 Steps to Prepare Your Finances Before Leaving
“The largest hurdle you face in an abusive relationship is getting back your independence,” Kuehner says.
“Only when you take back the feeling or idea that you are not completely dependent on another can you move towards financial independence. And only then can you successfully remove yourself from that type of relationship.”
Even then, it’s easier said than done.
In addition to the financial hurdles, Harden repeats a fact many of us have heard often: “Lethality for an individual and her loved ones goes up drastically when she makes the decision to leave, when she leaves and the time period following.”
That’s why before you do anything, we recommend this step:
1. Connect With a Victim Advocate
Harden and other experts urge anyone trying to leave an abusive relationship to work with a victim advocate.
These people are trained and experienced, so they know how to help you plan to leave safely and quietly. They can point out potential pitfalls and let you know what major financial hurdles to expect.
How to get in touch with local advocates:
- Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY: 1-800-787-3224. The national hotline can get you in touch with an organization in your area.
- Statewide advocacy groups can also connect you with local advocates.
- Your local YWCA has resources to fight domestic violence, including shelters and services around the country.
We have additional recommendations for your financial health, but can’t tell you what’s best or what’s safe for your situation.
You’re the best at assessing your own safety, so listen to your own instincts, work with an advocate and only consider these steps if you know it’s safe.
2. Save Money
“Be sure you have liquid funds held in an account in your name only,” says Allison Alexander, a financial advisor at Savant Capital Management. She also recommends having credit cards in your name alone.
Allstate’s financial empowerment curriculum includes advice on how to build a solid financial foundation, including places where you could find loans.
If you don’t have access to a loan, see if there are other ways to secure money for yourself that your partner doesn’t have access to.
Here are some creative ways to make extra money:
- 25 Ways to Make Money in the Next Hour
- 50 Side Jobs to Help You Make an Extra $ 500 or More This Month
- 19 Ways to Earn an Extra $ 100
- 15 Smart Ways to Make Money in the Next 24 Hours
You can also keep an eye out for influxes of cash your partner doesn’t know about or have access to.
“A lot of survivors … wait until that tax return comes, and that’s a nice little chunk to get started on,” Pentico says.
A bonus at work may be a similar lifeline.
You may be able to work with the human resources department at work to automatically deposit part of your paycheck into a separate bank account.
Catherine Scrivano, a Phoenix–based financial planner, says HR may also be able to help you make an adjustment to your W-4 to help you receive more money with each paycheck that you can save or invest throughout the year.
3. Make Copies of Important Documents
“Make copies of all financial documents you can find, e.g., tax returns, bank statements, investment statements, mortgage/loan information, car titles, paystubs, etc.,” Alexander says.
You can simply snap a picture of these documents with your phone and email it to a friend. Or store them in a cloud drive that you — and only you — can access from anywhere, like Google Drive.
4. Cut Ties and Open a New Bank Account
Before opening your own account, Harden recommends, you’ll need a new mailing address — a P.O. box could work — and an email address your partner doesn’t know about.
Harden also suggests you contact your bank to update your account’s security questions, if your partner already has access to an account in your name.
“Your husband of 10, 15 years probably knows the answers to most of your security questions,” she points out, “especially if he’s been actively working to know them.”
She says you can tell your bank the question you want to use. You don’t have to stick with a default question your partner might know the answer to.
If you can, set up separate accounts your partner doesn’t know about, or at least can’t access.
Also, “remove your personal items from a safe deposit box if it is held jointly,” Alexander says. And “establish your own safe deposit box at another bank and place your financial documents and sentimental items, including jewelry, pictures (or) valuables there.”
5. Find a Financial Advisor
“Find a supportive financial advisor, therapist and friends who will encourage you during the bleak times and celebrate your successes,” Scrivano recommends.
If you have the resources to hire a professional financial advisor — who works for you alone, not you and your partner together — great.
If you can’t afford to work with a professional, utilize your local library or Parks and Recreation department for resources. It may have financial literacy classes, support groups and literature to help you.
Even financially-savvy friends and family can offer advice.
Pentico often tells survivors, “There’s somebody in your life, more than likely, that seems to know what’s going on when it comes to money and finances, whether it’s a co-worker or a family member. Reach out to them.”
6. Find an Attorney
When Kuehner was preparing to divorce her abusive husband, she started by meeting with attorneys.
“I scheduled appointments to meet with all of the best attorneys in town. … All in all, I had meetings with over 85% of the local lawyers in a matter of a couple of weeks…
“If I had an introductory meeting with a particular attorney, my ex-husband wouldn’t be able to use them. It could be considered a conflict of interest. … By narrowing his options, and forcing him to use a less-experienced professional, I gained some ground in the divorce.”
California-based family law expert Amey Telkikar confirmed this tactic, though called it “unsavory” for typical situations.
“An in-person meeting going over the circumstances almost certainly will (include confidential information), resulting in a conflict of interest. A lawyer may still represent the other spouse, but only with the informed written consent of both spouses,” Telkikar explained.
He recommended, “It is in the best interest of a spouse to consult at least one reputable attorney as soon as they suspect or learn of a possible filing for divorce.”
If you don’t have money to hire a lawyer or don’t feel safe conducting this kind of business on your own, a victim advocate can help you discover the resources available to you.
6 Steps to Rebuild Your Finances After Leaving
Unfortunately, Lisa Orban didn’t make a plan to leave her abuser. She did what she pointed out many survivors do:
“Most abused women do not ‘plan’ their escape, they run blindly for their lives when the situation reaches deadly levels, and then pick up the pieces afterward,” Orban explains.
“If you have a golden opportunity to escape, that’s generally what people do,” Orban adds.
“They look for a moment — a credit card left unattended, a check that unexpectedly arrives that you somehow got access to, a Christmas bonus from your work that your spouse doesn’t know about,” Orban says. “These are things you look at, and you go, ‘This is it. This is my chance.’”
When you see that opportunity, she said, “You grab it and you go.”
And then what?
Once you’ve left and you’re safe, your greatest financial hurdle may be not knowing what you’re working with.
Start by figuring that out.
1. Get a Copy of Your Credit Report
Nearly everyone I spoke with recommended one simple, important first step to rebuilding your finances: Get a copy of your credit report.
If you haven’t had control of your finances for years, you may have no idea what state they’re in. To create a rebuilding plan, you have to first know what you’re dealing with.
Do you have credit card debt?
Is an unpaid mortgage in your name?
Are you behind on medical bills?
Your credit report will give you this information.
How to get a free copy of your credit report:
- Contact the three major credit reporting bureaus to get a free copy from each. They’re legally required to give you a free credit report once every 12 months. This FTC guide explains how to request your report.
- Get your credit score and “credit report card” from Credit Sesame. This website breaks down exactly what’s on your credit report in layman’s terms, how it affects your score and how you might address it. (Note: We sometimes partner with this company, but Credit Sesame did NOT pay to be mentioned in this post.)
Your credit history can affect a lot of what you do going forward.
Someone will likely pull it when you apply for an apartment, mortgage, vehicle loan or credit cards, before hiring you for a job or opening a new bank account. It’ll affect how much you pay to rent a car or get a new cell phone. It could even affect your car insurance rates.
Once you know what’s in your credit history, you can figure out how to fix it.
2. Find Resolution on Lingering Debts
Harden recommends resolving the debts you find on your credit report as soon as possible.
“Close out the relationship with the credit union and close out all the loans and be done, so the relationship is over, period,” she says.
Closing accounts and making agreements to eliminate debt quickly may not be your greatest financial option, Harden says, but these steps help you cut ties with your abuser, which is still vital.
Your credit report should show you which creditors you’re dealing with. Reach out to them directly and ask what you need to do to eliminate those debts.
Scrivano points out a divorce agreement isn’t enough to get you out of debts you shared with your partner. For example, even if the agreement says credit card debt is your ex’s responsibility, the creditor doesn’t know — or care.
You’ll likely have to take further action to clear your name, she explains. Contact your creditors to determine exactly what needs to be done — and what, in the end, is your responsibility.
“Hold your advocate accountable for that kind of thing,” Scrivano says, referring to your financial or legal advisors. They should know your divorce agreement’s reach and advise you accordingly.
To prevent your ex from building new debt in your name, Telkikar recommends placing a 90-day fraud alert with the major credit bureaus. That way, businesses must verify your identity before issuing credit in your name.
To initiate a fraud alert with one of the bureaus:
You only have to place an initial fraud alert with one bureau. It will contact the others, the FTC explains. You can renew the alert after 90 days as often as you need.
3. Create a New Budget
Next, Harden says, a survivor has to spend time “learning to budget in the new reality, whatever that new reality is.”
With control over your finances, you can set up new savings and investing plans to “become proactive about having full ownership over (your) finances,” not just reactive to your situation.
“There’s financial stability, and then there’s financial vitality,” she explains.
Without the internet to teach her, Orban learned how to manage her budget through trial and error. She always kept a detailed budget.
“I ended up itemizing my life on a day-to-day basis and seeing how much I had coming in and how much, realistically, I had to pay out to function in a normal way,” she says.
Read our tips on how to budget if you’ve never done it before:
- Follow this easy 14-day plan to get control of your money.
- Watch out for these five common budgeting mistakes
- Use this free spreadsheet template to create a new budget for your family.
- If all else fails, here’s how to make a budget when you hate budgeting.
4. Rebuild Your Credit
Even if you have damaged credit, you’re not doomed.
“Since my credit had been damaged a bit, I wanted to rebuild that as well,” Kuehner explains. “Taking out share secured loans … was the easiest way I knew. Within a year and a half my credit had been repaired.”
With a secured loan, she explains, “the bank freezes a specified amount of money in your account until payments are made. Each payment frees up the same amount of principal.”
A secured credit card is a similar way to build or repair your credit,
It’s similar to a debit card — you put down a cash deposit and can use that amount in credit.
Unlike a debit card, secured cards report your payment, balance and other relevant behavior to credit bureaus. So it’s a way to establish a credit history if yours is shot or nonexistent.
Read more tips for rebuilding your credit:
- What It Feels Like to Declare Chapter 7 Bankruptcy, and How to Recover From It
- How This Guy Raised His Credit Score 234 Points in 7 Months
- The Insane Story of a Family Who Paid Off $ 45K in Debt in 10 Months
5. If You Need to, Find a New Job and Housing
If your abuser didn’t allow you to keep a job, the effect can ripple beyond your lack of control in the relationship.
“It could interrupt a work history,” Harden points out, “or prevent a work history from ever developing in such a way that an employer would find the candidate to be compelling as a potential employee.”
If you’ve lost your job, read these tips:
- I Just Lost My Job. Here’s How I’m Surviving Unemployment
- 5 Unusual Job-Hunting Tactics That Actually Worked
- Avoid These Common Job-Hunting Mistakes
“Your local domestic violence program has relationships with community resources, so while they may not provide (job placement) themselves, they certainly have built partnerships and relationships with those who do, so to reach out to them,” Pentico advises.
Community colleges can also be a great resource for job placement.
If you want to go back to school, you can even find scholarships specifically for survivors of domestic violence.
If your relationship has forced you to take a break from the workforce, but you don’t want to return to college, you might be able to ease back in through a return-to-work internship.
If you’re able to live with friends or family to cut expenses and save for a while, go for it.
If you’re ready to find your own place (or not ready, but need to, anyway), here are some tips for getting the best deal out of your next rental.
On a positive note, Kuehner adds, “Replacing household items can be done fairly reasonably as well. Social media sites have ‘online garage sale’ postings, and you can pick up items really cheap. Hitting the Goodwill and other thrift stores are a great idea too. You can find some great treasures at rock-bottom prices.”
6. Prepare for Financial Success
The final step is refocusing on financial vitality, Harden says.
What does a thriving, successful life look like for you? Is there a business you need to reclaim, a career you need to start over or education you need to finish?
If you’re relying on financial support from loved ones, these 13 steps could help you cut the cord.
Focusing on financial independence will take you from reacting to a bad situation to being proactive about your own success.
And remember, you don’t have to go through it again.
Remember going forward, “Being in a relationship, regardless if married or not, does not mean you have to commingle all funds,” Kuehner says.
“I am a huge proponent of a mine, yours and ours type of finance. It is a simple technique, but can have enormously positive effects,” she explains.
To maintain financial independence and vitality in the future, know you don’t have to relinquish control to your partner. Early on, negotiate a split of resources and financial responsibilities that satisfies and respects both of your needs.
Now, Orban is retired and has been writing about her experiences for three years.
Her first book, “It’ll Feel Better When It Quits Hurting,” is a memoir of her life before leaving her ex-husband.
Her second will cover how she rebuilt her life after leaving.
Since 1990, Orban remarried and divorced her second husband. She has five children altogether, and one grandchild. One son is in college, one is still in high school and the rest are grown.
She eventually went back to college and earned her associate degree in psychology.
Healing emotionally and financially took a lot of time and work. But a small epiphany late one night made her realize she could do it.
“(I realized) I didn’t have to wait for time to heal all wounds. I could make steps and go forward and go, ‘I am in control of my life now — me — and I can make these changes.’”
If you or anyone you know needs help, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline to speak with an advocate or be connected with someone in your area: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) / TTY: 1-800-787-3224
Dana Sitar (@danasitar) is a staff writer at The Penny Hoarder. She’s written for Huffington Post, Entrepreneur.com, Writer’s Digest and more, attempting humor wherever it’s allowed (and sometimes where it’s not).
This was originally published on The Penny Hoarder, which helps millions of readers worldwide earn and save money by sharing unique job opportunities, personal stories, freebies and more. The Inc. 5000 ranked The Penny Hoarder as the fastest-growing private media company in the U.S. in 2017.
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